


moonlight, by the river

by SeptemberMonsoon



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Cute, Fluff and Angst, Homelessness, Hurt/Comfort, Love at First Sight, M/M, One Shot, Slice of Life, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-06-02 09:02:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19438234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeptemberMonsoon/pseuds/SeptemberMonsoon
Summary: While Minseok has nothing, Jongdae has everything. Or is it the other way around? In that case, Minseok is the stranger that is prepared to give him his everything without a second thought.Also known as the story of how Minseok is Jongdae's unsung saviour that doesn't ask for anything in return. Except for one thing ㅡ Jongdae holding onto his life.





	moonlight, by the river

**Author's Note:**

> To all the people that struggle ㅡ you are not alone, I am always here to listen to you. The Universe is better with you in it. Life would never be the same if you never existed. I care.

Walking down next to the seemingly endless stream of the Han river is one of the only things that makes Minseok's life have a purpose anymore. He stares at the swirling water, continuously seeping through harsh rocks and dirty grounds, yet it never stops, never ceases to maintain its constant tormented flow. He's definitely not a poet, nor a philosopher, yet he can appreciate this metaphor that is unfolding right before his very own eyes. What kind of metaphor, you may ask? Life itself.

And most likely, his own. Overcoming obstacles and impediments is already routine for the man. Having got involved with dangerous things, things that your parents warn you about when you're young and immature is something that he cannot fix right now. But... no one was there to warn him about the dangers that occur in life. 

How could a teenager know? How could he deny any requests from some people that he considered his only family? Nevermind the fact that all they did was use him for their own good, but they were there. At least they were a palpable presence, something more than an onthological idea that he could hold on to. 

But now that he got older, Minseok understand that maybe solitude would have been the best option for him. He feels safe, calm, relaxed in his own silence, alone and privated from any evil deeds. The world is a scary place and Minseok is a child of the underground, a child of no one, with no definite family name. Just like some Gods, he probably rose from the waters of the Han river or maybe aliens left him somewhere on a field after they abducted him. At least this is what he tells himself just for a good laugh and also a reassurance that perhaps he's not just a nobody with no purpose in life.

In spite of how the course of living treated him, Minseok is happy. He is happy to wake up everyday, even though he sleeps under bridges or on benches, just to see the sun rise and the clouds dissipate to let the warm rays wash over his skin. He is happy to walk around Seoul mindlessly, to meet numerous stray dogs and cats and pet them without worrying that they're going to be hostile towards him. It's almost like they know Minseok is one of them. He is happy to sit close to where people are spending time, even if some are mean and call him horrible names. He is just happy to be around people even if they don't consider him one of them. He seldomly sings some of the tunes he hears while he walks around the busy streets, no matter that passers by give him dirty looks and hide their belongings from his path. He would never steal anything from anyone, but he understands them. In any way, he is still happy to sit proped against a tree next to the Han river and sing some of his favourite songs. He doesn't know many, but 'Moon of Seoul' might be one of his best interpretations. Sometimes, people would stop and listen to him for a short while. It means the world to Minseok. It's the only time ever when people pay him attention in any way. But he doesn't complain. He's still happy.

He tries his best to keep himself clean, presentable. He wants to be like the normal people. Perhaps get a job at some point, find a small studio-apartment and live there with his kitten, Tan, the one which he keeps in the pocket of his old, tattered tracksuit, because she's still small and she fits. And she's curious and playful and loves Minseok. The only being on this planet that does. Sometimes, she would jump on his shoulders, then climb onto his shaven head and sit there making the boy laugh with his signature gummy smile. The sound of his laugh is surprisingly melodic and sometimes people turn around to see where that sweet voice is coming from, but they are easily scared away just by the man's condition. 

What is there to do? You can't just snap your fingers and get a house. Minseok doesn't even have a definite identity yet! Who is Minseok? Is his name really Minseok? How old is he? Where was he born? Not even Minseok himself could answer those questions. Sometimes it's an advantage! He could be whoever he wants, unapologetically...

...How can someone love you if you're a different person everyday? Minseok frowns thinking about it... "I can't help it!" he claims, pouting at the sky. Maybe the man up there could give him an answer. But he stays silent. And Minseok decides to do the same.

But there is something peculiar about the way the river flows tonight... It's way more rapid than usually and it emanates a distressed aura, uncanny for its usual serenity. 

As Minseok walks by it, kicking rocks in his way, humming a new tune he heard on the streets of Myeong-dong, he sees a faint slim figure in the distance. It seems like a man that's sitting desolately, with his head between his palms. 

Minseok isn't one to look past these things. Even though no one really cares about his worries, he has no problem taking others' burdens on his shoulders. And this man really looks like he needs someone to comfort him. He's not sure whether or not he'll be rejected, but he cannot bear but try and do his best to make the latter feel okay.

So he walks closer to the distressed man, making out his features one by one. He's probably about his own age, with a thin, yet athletic silhouette and black hair combed down onto his forehead. He cannot see his face clearly, yet he notices the sharpness of his cheekbones and the weird curve of his eyebrows.

"Hey." Minseok greets, stopping closely to the bench and tilting his head to the side. Tan has taken her little fuzzy head out of his pocket and is now staring at the smaller man that's sitting down.

The boy raises his head and takes a quick glance at Minseok. His eyes are red and soaked with tears, a string of blood dripping down his nose onto his cat-like lips. He sighs deeply and resumes his position.

"I don't have any money to give you." he spits bitterly, not even trying to look at Minseok.

The feline eyed smiles kindly, even though he knows the latter can't see it. "I don't want that! I just wanted to make sure you're fine." 

The other raises his head once again, this time his eyes wide and lips parted slightly. He feels like an arrow has struck through his chest and feels ashamed at the way he assumed the guy in front of him would just want something materialistic.

"I...I..." he stutters, embarrassed by the prejudice held in his tone before. "I'm...honestly not okay." he concludes.

Minseok keeps that expressive smile on his small face, his eyes lit up with the shimmer of the moonlight. The black haired cannot help but notice that he's handsome, in spite of the fact that he's most likely homeless. He's got a pretty face, with chubby cheeks and monolided feline eyes, a tiny rosy mouth and thick black eyebrows. He also looks nice with a buzzcut, which is something most men cannot pull off.

"That's okay. It's okay to not be okay." Minseok reassures, he takes a few cautious steps forward, slow enough not to scare the latter. His years of experience have taught him to be careful in the presence of people, because most think that he's dangerous. "Can I sit down?" 

The latter is baffled at the request. Well, he kind of understands where the man is coming from, but at the same time he starts feeling so bad, because probably people have been treating him like an animal all his life.

"Of course... and sorry for...earlier..." he responds, scratching the nape of his neck.

"Don't worry! You weren't rude. People have told me worse. I'm Minseok, by the way!" he introduces himself cheerfully, flashing a crooked smile that kind of makes the latter's insides churn with warmness.

"I'm Jongdae." the black haired replies, extending his arm in for a handshake. Minseok stares at it baffled. "What's wrong?"

"Do you want to touch me? Really?" he asks with a shocked expression on his face. Jongdae doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. The second option seems more probable.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Well, people always say I'm dirty and disgusting... but I try to take care of myself as much as I can... Anyways, I'm blabbering... Thank you..." the feline eyed starts explaining, as he reluctantly takes the other's palm and shakes it. There's a definite contrast between the warmness of Jongdae's palm and the coldness of his own.

"Minseok..." he starts, speechless at what he hears.

"It's fine! For real, I'm happy. I feel like it's still a gift that I get to open my eyes up everyday and have little Tannie with me!" he explains, scratching the crown of his kitten's fluffy mane. Jongdae smiles faintly. "But... this isn't about me... What happened to you?"

Jongdae takes a deep breath, letting the memories flow into his mind one by one. The way his parents found out that he's gay. The way they kicked him out of the house. The way a couple of thugs beat the shit out of him just a few hours ago. Nothing seems to be going his way. Everything is starting to decay and he hates himself more than ever. He is ready to just end it. To forget it all. To jump into oblivion.

"Too much." he simply replies. "I just want all of this to be over."

"All of what?" Minseok widens his eyes to signal that he's attentive.

"Life. I'm just sick of it. No one likes me for who I am. I am just a burden to my family, to my friends. I am just the punching bag to thugs, the little sissy boy everyone can make fun of and degrade. I don't know why I'm even here. No one cares about me. I just want to dㅡ"

"Don't you think that if I didn't care about you, I would have just walked past you and went on with my evening, Jongdae?" Minseok interrupts him.

The latter frowns, wiping away the blood dripping down his nose with the back of his hand. "How do you... I mean... you don't even know me..."

"Aren't you Jongdae?"

"Yes, but.."

"Well? I know you!" Minseok grins and like on call Tannie meows as well. "She knows you, too, my little princess." the feline eyed ducks his head downwards kissing her fluffy face. Jongdae smiles a little, brushing some tears away from his face.

"I appreciate your concern, Minseok, but I feel like I've made my mind."

"To do what?"

"To end it."

"Why?"

"Because no one caㅡ"

"I am in no position to tell you what to do, but if I really listened and taken upon my heart every single time people didn't care about me... I would have died a thousand times." Minseok explains. 

Jongdae is taken aback for a second.

"I am in no way trying to invalidate your feelings, but... I am sure some people will be destroyed the second you lose your life...How do you even want to end it?"

"I want to jump off that bridge." Jongdae says nonchalantly, motioning with his head towards the steel structure.

"Ouch! Imagine in how much pain you'd be when your body hit the water. A thousand knives crawling into your skin...And a million regrets." Minseok muses, shivering at the mere thoughts. The black haired is just silently watching him, his mind a mush of feelings. "I don't want you to die, Jongdae. I'm gonna be honest with you."

The boy feels his heart breaking into a thousand pieces. No one has told him that before. No one has verbally signaled that they would feel regret and worry over him losing his life, disappearing into the river like he never existed. It just had to be a stranger, a person that has never known love and a home. The only person that cared enough to talk to him.

Jongdae breaks down, sighing deeply and sobbing profusely. It almost felt comforting, nevermind the ugly grimances of his face. He felt comfortable in the latter's presence and even more comfortable when a dainty hand pats him on the back as a reassurance.

"I want you to think of some of your favourite people on the planet and tell me something about them. About family members or friends or even celebrities!" Minseok suggests, seeing that Jongdae is starting to calm down a bit.

"I..I...my friend Baekhyun...he..he's a goofball...he always makes me laugh, he probably doesn't even know how effortlessly funny he is... he's not a good listener, but he has some words of encouragement sometimes...." Jongdae bursts out "...and then Kyungsoo...he makes delicious food..and he has a nice voice... he tells me to eat well...he thinks I'm too skinny...and maybe...Sehun...Sehun is my cousin...he didn't care that I am gay...he...he tried making amends with my family, but he couldn't so he gave up..."

Minseok sits there silently, waiting for Jongdae to finish describing all the people he could think about in that moment. He's smiling. Smiling because he realized that people do care about Jongdae. Maybe he is unable to see that, but they do. Little or more...they would still be crushed if anything was to happen to the boy.

"Wouldn't they be sad if you'll be gone so soon? From what you told me, they seem like good friends."

"M-maybe..." Jongdae sighs. "..But they'll get over it..."

"I won't get over it." Minseok replies, his eyebrows furrowing and his lips softening up. Dae spares him a glance, but he feels too powerless to reply. "I will keep thinking about you. I will keep thinking about how I was unable to save you and how much more you deserved."

"It's not your fault. You tried your best." 

"It will always be partially my fault. It will always be everyone's fault. It will be God's fault. It will be this river's fault. This bench's fault. Even this insignificant rock's fault. It will be your fault as well." Minseok states, seeing how Jongdae's expression shifts.

"I don't...I don't understand..."

"Your life is so precious. The Universe just won't be the same without you, Jongdae. You changed many lives and you changed mine as well. How? I just happened to encounter you. Done. You're part of my life and you dying means a part of my life will be gone forever. Does it make sense?" 

"A little...yes...But I feel like you're too poetic. Life doesn't work this way."

"Who knows how life really works? Does it have to work in a special way? Life is just life. We all live it differently. Some of us have everything, yet nothing at the same time. Some of us have nothing materially, but everything spiritually. Those are the happy ones. The ones who choose happiness above all. I choose to be happy. I choose to be kind and compassionate and do my best to make every single thing in my life positive. I may not have much, but I have Tan, I have myself and I have this whole city at my feet! This city is my family with its good and bad parts, with passers by as relatives that either hate or tolerate me. Jongdae, you can have everything. Everything you've ever wanted. Just let yourself believe in it. Let yourself believe in you! You are the most important thing in this galaxy! You. No one else, but you." Minseok explains, carried away by the secondary universe that he managed to create between him and the latter who is staring at him with a shocked expression.

Jongdae is speechless. He doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know what to feel or do. He might be bold enough to even assume that his heart has already fallen in deep love with this stranger. The stranger that cares and that's fighting for his life. In that moment, he looks around and the whole world seems different. He doesn't see everything as desolated or just another reminisces of the way his life is. The moon is beautiful and it is reflecting into the now-calmer waters of the river. The sparkly, tons of gallons of liquid that are crashing into rocks...yet they still continue to flow. Eternally. 

"Minseok, thank you." Jongdae murmurs. "I can finally see it now." 

The feline eyed smiles, softly taking Jongdae's hand into his own, craddling it between his palms. 

"Life is worth it, Jongdae. Nothing matters more than having the gift of being alive. Will you promise me that you won't give this away?"

"I promise."

"Pinky promise?" Minseok's winks playfully, making the latter chuckle.

They intertwine their pinky fingers. "Yes."

Minseok gets up from the bench, taking another look at the river, then at Jongdae, preparing to go on with his casual night stroll. The black haired feels an arrow rush through his chest seeing the latter leave.

"Wait! Please..." he pleads with a faint voice. Minseok turns back instantly.

"What is it?"

"Will I see you again?" Jongdae's eyebrows shoot up, a melancholy plastered on his face.

Minseok smiles. That same gummy crooked smile.

"If its life's will, we will meet again. But I will always think about you. I'll never forget."

"I'll never forget either." Jongdae responds sadly, yet with understanding.

He watches as Minseok's figure disappears into the night, the only sound that gives him an idea of the man ever being around is a faint hum of "Moon of Seoul".

"You." Jongdae whispers longingly looking in Minseok's direction, yet with a genuine smile on his face. He wipes his tears away and decides to take his phone out to dial a number. "Uhm...H-hi...Baek? It's me...Jongdae..."

**Author's Note:**

> Waaah.... Hey. It's me.. your least favourite Xiuchen author ever >< I am currently busy with my final exams... Just finished my most important one and I'm drained. But I felt the need to write this piece. I feel like those are some words people would feel less burdened after hearing. We all have that certain Minseok that will pass by in our life, ultimately saving us. 
> 
> I left the ending opened. You can choose if they meet again or not.


End file.
